It roams the land, trolling people everywhere it goes.
The General Registrar for Scotland have released the list of baby names from 2011. I have navigated around and between the mangled attempts at Gaelic names to bring you the best of the Adults of Tomorrow.
Welcome to the world:
Annalyze, Atlas, Awesome, Bee, Boo-Tiger, Camdyn, Candy, Capitolina, Cee-Jai, Ceilidh, Chrystal, Clinty, Coast, Colt, Cosmos, Cruise, Crusoe, D’arcie, Dallas, Darcee, Darn, Decklyn, Delight, Denver, Destiny, Diesel, Diesel-Joe, Divine, Drake, Dre, Eden, Eternity, Faith-Serenity, Forrest, Fox, Fynnlea, Griffin, Harmoney, Honey, Jaxx, Jersey, Jesuslovesme, Jewell, Juniper, Junior, Kaidance, Kajole, Karsyn, Kassidee, Kelvyn, Kennzie, Knox, Krystle, Laird, Legion, Lilly (a boy), Makenzi, Mama, Man, Marvelous, Maverick, Meadow, Minerva, Nirvana, Occeanna-Lake, Orly, Pixie, Phoenix, Porter, Preacher, Process, Pyper, Red, Reed, Reef, Riverz, Rocky, Rogue, Sapphire, Shantell, Starlit, Storm, Tailor, Talon, Trigg, Vanille, Venus, Willieboy, Wolfie, Wren and You.
May you be taken seriously at all times.
What the hell are these and why would I be interested in them?
The other night I steeled myself, read through my teenage journals and found this gem:
‘On the 2nd of February it will be 6 years since Richey Edwards vanished. And I’ve got an exam on that day. Ignoramuses. I can’t even be left alone to cry.’
I CAN’T EVEN BE LEFT ALONE TO CRY!
I hereby award myself first prize for ‘Best at Being a Teenager’.
Except I was a bit shite because, as I later noted, the 1st of February is Richey’s disappearance day. The 2nd of February was when Sid Vicious died, though, so I was still free to mope.
(image via Comically Vintage)
Some people think that we should be feeling sorry for the beleaguered ex-News of the World hacks, but I don’t think it will do them any harm at all to have a stint finding out how people really live on JobSeeker’s Allowance (somehow I don’t think it will be the life of luxury you might expect from reading their articles). Then perhaps they’ll get new jobs looking after disabled ‘benefits scroungers’, or working in low-paid jobs alongside immigrants and/or single mothers. Welcome to our world, fuckos!
Royal Exchange Square
YOUTHS! Peppering your sentences with the word ‘like’ is wholly unnecessary and induces violent feelings in those forced to listen to your inane conversation.
COMMUTERS! Don’t sit blocking the steps in Subway stations, forcing other commuters rushing to catch their trains to do ninja moves and swing themselves under the handrail to the other side of the stairs and run round you.
LIBRARY USERS! ‘SNIFFFFFFF… SNIFFFFFFF… SNIFFFFFFF… SNIFFFFFFF…’ isn’t a suitable background noise for people who are trying to concentrate. Blow your nose.
CASH MACHINE USERS! If the machine isn’t giving out money, tell the person in the queue behind you instead of making them go through the same rigmarole you did.
CASH MACHINE PROGRAMMERS! If the cash machine doesn’t have any money, design it to tell the user that at the beginning rather than wasting their time making them go through every step only to be told right at the end.